Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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