I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
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I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
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Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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