Girls should come with a carfax report
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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