i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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