There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
