while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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