You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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