I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
