Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
We need to rekindle our bromance
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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