I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
