Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Come on in and take your pants off
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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