a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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