If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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