No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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