I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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