Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
