she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She told me I should be a condom model.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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