What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
