god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
