just survived the first fart of the relationship.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
