Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
