I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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