So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
