Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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