If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
