Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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