"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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