So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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