Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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