3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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