i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
