You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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