Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
