I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
