I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
