the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
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Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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