I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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