Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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