just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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