On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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