man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
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so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
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You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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