My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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