i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
