she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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