Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
