dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
