Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
