I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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