He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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