the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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