Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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