I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he fucked my hip out of place.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
