well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
