Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
