bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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