How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Cover your peen. We're going out.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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