i wish my penis had a tongue
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
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It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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