i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
