Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
