ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
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Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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