We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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