He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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