Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She's the barista slut.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
