You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
