I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You don't make any sense
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