I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
