tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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