I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize