yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
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I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Less talking, more tequila
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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