and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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