just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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