I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
