did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i just google imaged poop.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
