Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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