I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
