Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
